Round 3...ding!

I am already underway for round 3. I talked to the doctor yesterday about the last cycle and the next cycle. Again, we had a biochemical pregnancy but some abnormality caused the embryo to take care of itself. Given that we've now had two confirmed biochemical pregnancies and I'm 39, the doctor wanted to change up a couple of things for this next cycle. First, she suggested that we implant three embryos. Previously, we had been hesitant on this because three means three. The chances of that happening are slim, but we were being cautious. Secondly, they have conducted tests using a shot of hCG at the time of transfer. This has been shown to assist with embryo implantation in the uterus.

We agreed to both of those suggestions, as we are open to trying something new. They also seem relatively low risk with a positive outcome. On top of those two things, our next transfer date is scheduled for 3/12. I'm already back on the estrogen patches. I have one less round of shots. I don't have to wait another month. BOOM...we're back on schedule. It's exciting that it's moving this quickly.

But I am still feeling a bit bummed about the last cycle - and other previous cycles that weren't successful. I've been doing a lot of walking and thinking...thinking and walking. I nearly walked home from work tonight, making it about 5 miles before Frank picked me up on his way home from the office. I think I'm still grieving the previous losses. I'm glad that the next round is so soon, but I still have a little bit to work through in my head.

I feel positive about going into this round. I've been seeing a therapist about the anxiety - and that's been helping. I've got an amazing support system of friends and family to help me through this time. And I'm open to yoga. Deep breaths...deep breaths.

I'd like to think that the third time's a charm. I hope you do too.

xo

Negative

As the title says, the test results were negative. I definitely felt that this time was going to work, or at least my hopes had been higher than in previous rounds. When the nurse called on Thursday to state the news, her words socked me in the gut. I almost cried, but I was at my desk at work. I had a full afternoon of work in front of me to keep me distracted. We were preparing for a big presentation to T-Mobile for today, in Seattle.

I called Frank. I could hear how bummed out he was on the phone. Tears were welling in my eyes. I wished that we were together, but I knew we would be able to talk it through after work. We had plans to go to Seattle that were going to be cancelled if we were pregnant. In the same moment I told him the news, I also suggested we keep our plans to go to Seattle. He agreed.

Last night, as soon as I got home from work, we talked about the situation. How bummed we were. How much money we've spent, all to really feel like were back to square one. We are glad we have frozen embryos to use, and we're hopeful that they are viable. We wish we knew what the issue was that is preventing us from getting pregnant. I often wonder, am I trying too hard? That's a blog post for another time.

I am ready for the next round. I hear from my doctor on Tuesday. I'll be interested to see if she has any thoughts on how it went and if anything will change. Between now and then, we'll be in Seattle. I think that getting out of the house for the weekend will be good for us.

Thank you for all your support and love. Just knowing that you're thinking about us makes me feel so good. You give me strength.

xo

Transfer #2

Yesterday was transfer day. It was a long road to get to the transfer - filled with many sleepless, stressful nights, more hormones than previously ingested, and a visit to a therapist. It culminated on Thursday with a transfer of the two little guys that you see in that photo. 

My medications include progesterone injections in my upper butt muscle every night, administered by Frank. I am wearing estrogen patches on my lower abdomen. I am taking methylpredinsone every night. It was quite an emotional ride as the date of the transfer came closer this time around taking all those hormones combined with the regular stress from the day-to-day life. It came to a point where I realized that the priority needs to be on making a family with a destressed approach.  

The good news is that I'm taking the next few days off from work. My manager has been completely supportive of this entire experience. I appreciate that he is compassionate and reasonable. I also have a strong team at work. They are handling it for me. I am not looking at my work email. I'm not taking any work phone calls. I'm only going to do the things that I want and need to do - shopping online, yoga, walking, facials, cleaning and more. I even promised that I would watch Star Wars. 

We will test my hCG level on 2/16, which will determine if we have successfully implanted. I'm looking forward to that day. In the meantime, I'll be relaxing. 

Thank you for your support, positive energy and love.

xo