Not what we hoped for...

The test results were 2. This means that I am not having a baby this time. I was pregnant, but something prevented the pregnancy from sticking. 

Frank and I spent most of the weekend preparing for this news. We definitely grieved. We are resilient, though, and will persevere. Our focus is our family. 

Thank you for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers over the last eight weeks. We are going to continue to ask for your positive and fertile thoughts as we embark on the next (and hopefully final) round of IVF. 

I will update again when I hear from the doctor on the next cycle. 

xo

Mixed reviews

Technically speaking, I'm pregnant. But the results are mixed.

I had the blood test on Thursday morning. The results were 15 for my hCG level, which tests for this pregnancy hormone in my system. By this time the number should be closer to 100. The number is supposed to double every day. I have to go test again on Monday to see if the number has increased. If the number has increased, we could be on a path to a successful pregnancy. If the number stays the same or decreases this means that I likely had a bio-chemical pregnancy. The doctor said that she has seen successful pregnancies from such a low hCG start, so we're staying positive until we get the results on Monday.

A bio-chemical pregnancy, while it sounds like a false positive, means that there was conception but it results in a very early miscarriage. The biochemical pregnancy usually occurs because of chromosomal abnormalities in the developing baby. It was likely that this is what happened to me in May as well, given the symptoms that I had at that time.

While the results are not conclusive, I'm remaining realistically hopeful. I do feel a sense of calm having taken the test. Regardless of the outcome of this cycle, Frank and I remain focused on having children. Please keep us in your thoughts. xo

Our first photo

On the day of the transfer, we received the photo of the two embryos implanted in me. These received a high grade on their fertilization. We call them Frick & Frack.

Less than a week to go!

The two week wait is long, especially when sleep is not on my side. Stress from work, combined with hormones surging through my body made for some restless and sleepless nights. The doctor said I could take Unisom without harming any growing babies. Last night was my first night of solid sleep. I'm hoping for another here tonight.

My test date is Friday. I keep seeing the + sign in my mind. I just have the positive feeling that we're pregnant. I hope you see it too.

xo

The Transfer

It has been three days since retrieval of the five eggs. Three eggs fertilized. Two eggs will be put inside me today. The third one is frozen.

Here is the plan for today. I take a Valium at 1 p.m. This is used to relax my muscles. I must arrive with a full bladder, drinking somewhere between 12 and 24 ounces of water before the appointment. It sounds like a recipe for disaster - muscle relaxer and full bladder?!?

The appointment is at 2 p.m. It is very similar in procedure as the IUI - except I am under the influence of Valium and we're in the IVF clinic. The procedure will probably take about 3 minutes. I need to lay there in the office for 10 - 20 minutes. We should be incubating Huey and Duey by 2:30. Luey will be frozen. I hope he is frozen for research only. I am looking for a one time success.

My visualizations show me as a pregnant woman, creating a progress photo shoot of my growing belly. I also see us coming home from the hospital with babies in our arms. I also had visions of kids cleaning the house for me.

Keep me in your thoughts, prayers, wishes, or whatever you do today. Smile at a pregnant lady...thinking one day you will be smiling at my pregnant belly.

xo