Round 3...ding!

I am already underway for round 3. I talked to the doctor yesterday about the last cycle and the next cycle. Again, we had a biochemical pregnancy but some abnormality caused the embryo to take care of itself. Given that we've now had two confirmed biochemical pregnancies and I'm 39, the doctor wanted to change up a couple of things for this next cycle. First, she suggested that we implant three embryos. Previously, we had been hesitant on this because three means three. The chances of that happening are slim, but we were being cautious. Secondly, they have conducted tests using a shot of hCG at the time of transfer. This has been shown to assist with embryo implantation in the uterus.

We agreed to both of those suggestions, as we are open to trying something new. They also seem relatively low risk with a positive outcome. On top of those two things, our next transfer date is scheduled for 3/12. I'm already back on the estrogen patches. I have one less round of shots. I don't have to wait another month. BOOM...we're back on schedule. It's exciting that it's moving this quickly.

But I am still feeling a bit bummed about the last cycle - and other previous cycles that weren't successful. I've been doing a lot of walking and thinking...thinking and walking. I nearly walked home from work tonight, making it about 5 miles before Frank picked me up on his way home from the office. I think I'm still grieving the previous losses. I'm glad that the next round is so soon, but I still have a little bit to work through in my head.

I feel positive about going into this round. I've been seeing a therapist about the anxiety - and that's been helping. I've got an amazing support system of friends and family to help me through this time. And I'm open to yoga. Deep breaths...deep breaths.

I'd like to think that the third time's a charm. I hope you do too.

xo

Negative

As the title says, the test results were negative. I definitely felt that this time was going to work, or at least my hopes had been higher than in previous rounds. When the nurse called on Thursday to state the news, her words socked me in the gut. I almost cried, but I was at my desk at work. I had a full afternoon of work in front of me to keep me distracted. We were preparing for a big presentation to T-Mobile for today, in Seattle.

I called Frank. I could hear how bummed out he was on the phone. Tears were welling in my eyes. I wished that we were together, but I knew we would be able to talk it through after work. We had plans to go to Seattle that were going to be cancelled if we were pregnant. In the same moment I told him the news, I also suggested we keep our plans to go to Seattle. He agreed.

Last night, as soon as I got home from work, we talked about the situation. How bummed we were. How much money we've spent, all to really feel like were back to square one. We are glad we have frozen embryos to use, and we're hopeful that they are viable. We wish we knew what the issue was that is preventing us from getting pregnant. I often wonder, am I trying too hard? That's a blog post for another time.

I am ready for the next round. I hear from my doctor on Tuesday. I'll be interested to see if she has any thoughts on how it went and if anything will change. Between now and then, we'll be in Seattle. I think that getting out of the house for the weekend will be good for us.

Thank you for all your support and love. Just knowing that you're thinking about us makes me feel so good. You give me strength.

xo

Transfer #2

Yesterday was transfer day. It was a long road to get to the transfer - filled with many sleepless, stressful nights, more hormones than previously ingested, and a visit to a therapist. It culminated on Thursday with a transfer of the two little guys that you see in that photo. 

My medications include progesterone injections in my upper butt muscle every night, administered by Frank. I am wearing estrogen patches on my lower abdomen. I am taking methylpredinsone every night. It was quite an emotional ride as the date of the transfer came closer this time around taking all those hormones combined with the regular stress from the day-to-day life. It came to a point where I realized that the priority needs to be on making a family with a destressed approach.  

The good news is that I'm taking the next few days off from work. My manager has been completely supportive of this entire experience. I appreciate that he is compassionate and reasonable. I also have a strong team at work. They are handling it for me. I am not looking at my work email. I'm not taking any work phone calls. I'm only going to do the things that I want and need to do - shopping online, yoga, walking, facials, cleaning and more. I even promised that I would watch Star Wars. 

We will test my hCG level on 2/16, which will determine if we have successfully implanted. I'm looking forward to that day. In the meantime, I'll be relaxing. 

Thank you for your support, positive energy and love.

xo

Zamboni treatment

The surgery is done. What a relief!

As you can imagine, I was pretty nervous about the surgery yesterday. Frank and I met with Dr. Cedars before so she could inform us of the procedure, what to expect, and sign consent forms. She also answered a few of our questions about the upcoming FET (frozen embryo transfer) scheduled for the end of January.

I had a hysteroscopy, where the doctor uses this device that fills my uterus with water, scrapes off the polyps and films the entire event. This device is as wide as the top of a pen cap, but does so much. I started off with a valium and a vicodin mix. That just took the edge off my nerves. They hooked me up to an IV and gave me my first wheelchair ride to the operating room. I was hooked up to monitors and then I laid down on the table.

The nurse put on jazz music while the doctor prepped me. The nurse was such an amazing support and good drug pusher, too. She said the moment it hurts at all, let us know and we'll give you something. It was like a sudden shock of cramps, in the 6 to 7 (out of 10) pain rate. They gave me Phenol for the pain through my IV. That took the pain away, and I basically floated through the rest of the procedure. They kept me busy by talking to me the entire time about Christmas, gifts, parties...

Dr. Cedars discovered some fibroids as well as the polyps. Fibroids are pretty common in people my age, and they are non-cancerous tumors. She removed those along with the polyps. I have a very smooth uterus now, and we saw the pictures to prove it. Frank called it the Zamboni treatment.

I had no pain after the procedure was done. I have instructions to lay off the intense exercise for two weeks. I have the post-op appointment on January 9.

So, this is the last post of the year. Thank you for all your love and support this year on my journey through the IVF world. Next year, we begin the FET procedures. We will have two of our "chillins" transferred at the end of January. We are hopeful!

Merry Everything.
Happy New Year.
xo.
Lisa

Surgery Day

It's the morning of the surgery and I have 30 minutes until the official count down begins. I can't eat 4 hours prior to the surgery. I have to be at the doctor's at 1 p.m. for pre-operation preparation. 2 p.m. is the surgery for the removal of the polyp. It should take about an hour. I will be given Vicodin and Valium to get through it. 

I'm nervous as I have to be awake during the procedure. I hope that it is relatively painless. I hope that there are no new polyps.

Send along your positive vibes. I'll update later with the post-op.

Christmas Wish

Dear Santa...

I've been good(ish) this year. I worked on my patience. I still believe.  While you probably can't get me what I'd like for Christmas this year, if you could put in a good word with Father Time for the New Year, I would appreciate it.

Love,
Lisa

ten

I had some good news from the doctor. Ten of our embryos were frozen. I could hardly believe the news when I heard it over the phone. 10! Seriously?!? 10.

Each embryo is given a score - 1, 2, 3 - 1 being the best. They are also given a cell count and this needs to be greater than 6. We had a 1-12, 2-10, 2-9, and 7 other strong ones that were frozen. I'm thrilled. Frank is thrilled. This means that I will not have to stimulate my follicles again. A round of freezing only requires minimal amount of shots and other medications. The next round of implantation will happen in January. We have 10 for the doctor to choose from.

When I heard the news, I finally felt like there was hope again. I had been feeling so bummed out from finding the polyp, and the further delays, that I just wanted to be left alone. I didn't want anything to do with anything baby related. ANYTHING! Christmas catalogs made me cry because here was another holiday where I didn't have my own children to buy gifts for. Nor was there even the hope of children. It just simply sucked.

Now there is hope. This doesn't mean I'm going to buy my embryos tiny stockings with flakes of candy canes in them. But the possibility is there that one of these 10 will be our child. I felt a sense of rejuvenation that we were still on the right path. My body reacted the way it was supposed to react to the medication.

That being said, I'm still recovering from the retrieval. It's been 6 days and I'm still having pain in my lower abdomen. As the doctor mentioned, they had to move my uterus around to get to my ovaries. And, upon recovery, my ovaries may be resting on my colon which is a source of pain. Every day I'm getting stronger, but I'm not 100%.

But it was all worth it because we have 10 little embryos. 10! So, light a candle. Click your heels. Drink a cosmopolitan (because you can). Whatever you do, celebrate for us. You know we will this holiday season!

Thank you for your positive thoughts.
xo