One, Un, Uno

We received confirmation that I am off to a healthy start to the pregnancy. The ultrasound showed that the embryo implanted in the right area and is home to one. They call it a singleton. We saw the heart flickering. Dr. Cedars measured the heart rate at 118 BPM. The length is nearly 6mm. The baby is due 11/29/2012.

Here is the photo showing the tiny little one. The measurements are in the lower left corner.

This photo shows the heart beating. It was amazing to see it flickering on the live screen.

It's really real now that I've seen the heartbeat. I still don't know whether to call it a fetus or a baby, though. I guess I'll figure it out. In the meantime, I'm doing everything to make this a healthy pregnancy. And I get to dance in Carnaval, too!

Frank & I are thrilled. Our next appointment is in 2.5 weeks for another ultrasound. At that point, we begin the testing. There is a lot to read and learn about this next phase. Keep us in your thoughts, prayers, and any other good vibe time you've got to spare.

xo.

Thank you, Myrtle

Myrtle...you delivered. I'm fertile.

The results are in and they are positive. We found out on Monday, March 26th that we were successful with step 1 - implantation. I took a blood test to measure the level of hCG, which came back with 523. The doctor hopes to see that the number is above 100. According to them, we "hit it out of the ballpark." Numbers like that indicate that there could even be twins. A two-fer. That would be welcome.

On Thursday, I took the follow-up test to measure the growth of the hCG hormone. The results needed to double, and they did. 1248. This still indicates that there are either one or two embryos in there. We are on the right track. At this point, we are considered to be in the fourth week of our pregnancy. Weird calculations, but it all starts with the first day after your last period. So, week two for us was the day of implantation - 3/12.

My first ultrasound is scheduled for 4/9. At that time, they will confirm the location of the embryos, which should be in the uterus. Any other location would result in a termination - so let's hope for the former. Other, more positive things that they'll be doing is looking for the number of embryos and their measurement, confirm the number of weeks based on that measurement, provide me an updated calendar for how much longer I will need to take the hormones, and estimate the due date. There is a slight chance that they may be able to see a flickering of the heart beat. I love that word, flicker, especially as it relates to this situation. While it may be a bit early, it would be exciting.

The joy for Frank and I think week has been sharing positive news. The outpouring of love, tears, support, and curiosity has been so welcome. Honestly, I'm still in disbelief that this is real. It's been such a long journey so far, that I'm still skeptical that this is really happening. I'm not so skeptical that you'll find me at the bar, ordering cocktail shrimp and a stiff drink, though. It's just that we've never had the positive news, so I'm moving into uncharted territory with my emotions. Your joy is encouraging.

Join me in a happy dance, please.
xo

The impatient patient

It's been a rough week. The shots are more painful than last time. It's not that the shot itself that is painful, but the effects of the shot. Since the hormone, progesterone, is combined with the oil, it really needs to be massaged into my butt muscle. If there is not enough massaging and vigorous walking, lumps form where the oil has congealed. I love my lady lumps, but not my hormone lumps. So, with every step I take, I feel those lumps. The night that we massaged too hard, it put my hip out of alignment. Not only was I in pain with every step, I couldn't take a full stride. On top of that, my little toe on my right foot had a super painful callous that reached an all time pressure with every step I took.

I took matters into my hands. First, I cried to the nurse at UCSF. They must take a course in managing tears, because I felt better after just two conversations. First conversation happened to be with the receptionist, as I didn't give her a chance to qualify that she was just managing the phones. The second was with the nurse. They said that I could move off the shots and onto the creme. Just knowing this made me feel better. I had an option to not get a shot.

Secondly, the chiropractor was able to see me the next day, first thing in the morning. We began the first of five appointments to get things back in alignment.

Finally, I have a podiatrist who took care of the little toe. I am now able to wear any pair of shoes in my closet.

Now, I'm tapping my fingers waiting for Monday. I'm cramping. I'm moody. I have the nose of a bloodhound. I need a nap.

Here's to hoping for the next two days to whizz on by...

~xo

Three best friends

Tomorrow...tomorrow...I love ya, tomorrow...

I love that song from "Annie" as it gives me hope. That is where I'm at today, in the land of hope. There wasn't much downtime between these rounds. I really had a tough time getting through the last failed round, but I think that was because I knew the next one was around the corner. I felt rushed to grieve. I was also reflective of all the challenges we have faced over the last 2.5 years of trying to have a baby. I don't mean to wallow in the past, but I just needed a moment to acknowledge our perseverance.

"Just thinkin' about tomorrow, clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow..."
 
Tomorrow is Frozen Embryo Transfer Monday. My appointment is at Noon. I should be done around 12:30. Frank is going to drive me since I'll be under the influence of Valium, the loopy drug. We are having three embryos transferred along with the injection of hCG. This is a new part of the procedure for FET patients. HCG is the drug that is normally present in the uterus during natural childbirth. A study had shown a significant increase in the number of successful pregnancies using this additional hormone. I'm excited to be part of a new process here.

Keep me in your thoughts. Eat eggs.

xo
Lisa

Round 3...ding!

I am already underway for round 3. I talked to the doctor yesterday about the last cycle and the next cycle. Again, we had a biochemical pregnancy but some abnormality caused the embryo to take care of itself. Given that we've now had two confirmed biochemical pregnancies and I'm 39, the doctor wanted to change up a couple of things for this next cycle. First, she suggested that we implant three embryos. Previously, we had been hesitant on this because three means three. The chances of that happening are slim, but we were being cautious. Secondly, they have conducted tests using a shot of hCG at the time of transfer. This has been shown to assist with embryo implantation in the uterus.

We agreed to both of those suggestions, as we are open to trying something new. They also seem relatively low risk with a positive outcome. On top of those two things, our next transfer date is scheduled for 3/12. I'm already back on the estrogen patches. I have one less round of shots. I don't have to wait another month. BOOM...we're back on schedule. It's exciting that it's moving this quickly.

But I am still feeling a bit bummed about the last cycle - and other previous cycles that weren't successful. I've been doing a lot of walking and thinking...thinking and walking. I nearly walked home from work tonight, making it about 5 miles before Frank picked me up on his way home from the office. I think I'm still grieving the previous losses. I'm glad that the next round is so soon, but I still have a little bit to work through in my head.

I feel positive about going into this round. I've been seeing a therapist about the anxiety - and that's been helping. I've got an amazing support system of friends and family to help me through this time. And I'm open to yoga. Deep breaths...deep breaths.

I'd like to think that the third time's a charm. I hope you do too.

xo

Negative

As the title says, the test results were negative. I definitely felt that this time was going to work, or at least my hopes had been higher than in previous rounds. When the nurse called on Thursday to state the news, her words socked me in the gut. I almost cried, but I was at my desk at work. I had a full afternoon of work in front of me to keep me distracted. We were preparing for a big presentation to T-Mobile for today, in Seattle.

I called Frank. I could hear how bummed out he was on the phone. Tears were welling in my eyes. I wished that we were together, but I knew we would be able to talk it through after work. We had plans to go to Seattle that were going to be cancelled if we were pregnant. In the same moment I told him the news, I also suggested we keep our plans to go to Seattle. He agreed.

Last night, as soon as I got home from work, we talked about the situation. How bummed we were. How much money we've spent, all to really feel like were back to square one. We are glad we have frozen embryos to use, and we're hopeful that they are viable. We wish we knew what the issue was that is preventing us from getting pregnant. I often wonder, am I trying too hard? That's a blog post for another time.

I am ready for the next round. I hear from my doctor on Tuesday. I'll be interested to see if she has any thoughts on how it went and if anything will change. Between now and then, we'll be in Seattle. I think that getting out of the house for the weekend will be good for us.

Thank you for all your support and love. Just knowing that you're thinking about us makes me feel so good. You give me strength.

xo

Transfer #2

Yesterday was transfer day. It was a long road to get to the transfer - filled with many sleepless, stressful nights, more hormones than previously ingested, and a visit to a therapist. It culminated on Thursday with a transfer of the two little guys that you see in that photo. 

My medications include progesterone injections in my upper butt muscle every night, administered by Frank. I am wearing estrogen patches on my lower abdomen. I am taking methylpredinsone every night. It was quite an emotional ride as the date of the transfer came closer this time around taking all those hormones combined with the regular stress from the day-to-day life. It came to a point where I realized that the priority needs to be on making a family with a destressed approach.  

The good news is that I'm taking the next few days off from work. My manager has been completely supportive of this entire experience. I appreciate that he is compassionate and reasonable. I also have a strong team at work. They are handling it for me. I am not looking at my work email. I'm not taking any work phone calls. I'm only going to do the things that I want and need to do - shopping online, yoga, walking, facials, cleaning and more. I even promised that I would watch Star Wars. 

We will test my hCG level on 2/16, which will determine if we have successfully implanted. I'm looking forward to that day. In the meantime, I'll be relaxing. 

Thank you for your support, positive energy and love.

xo

Zamboni treatment

The surgery is done. What a relief!

As you can imagine, I was pretty nervous about the surgery yesterday. Frank and I met with Dr. Cedars before so she could inform us of the procedure, what to expect, and sign consent forms. She also answered a few of our questions about the upcoming FET (frozen embryo transfer) scheduled for the end of January.

I had a hysteroscopy, where the doctor uses this device that fills my uterus with water, scrapes off the polyps and films the entire event. This device is as wide as the top of a pen cap, but does so much. I started off with a valium and a vicodin mix. That just took the edge off my nerves. They hooked me up to an IV and gave me my first wheelchair ride to the operating room. I was hooked up to monitors and then I laid down on the table.

The nurse put on jazz music while the doctor prepped me. The nurse was such an amazing support and good drug pusher, too. She said the moment it hurts at all, let us know and we'll give you something. It was like a sudden shock of cramps, in the 6 to 7 (out of 10) pain rate. They gave me Phenol for the pain through my IV. That took the pain away, and I basically floated through the rest of the procedure. They kept me busy by talking to me the entire time about Christmas, gifts, parties...

Dr. Cedars discovered some fibroids as well as the polyps. Fibroids are pretty common in people my age, and they are non-cancerous tumors. She removed those along with the polyps. I have a very smooth uterus now, and we saw the pictures to prove it. Frank called it the Zamboni treatment.

I had no pain after the procedure was done. I have instructions to lay off the intense exercise for two weeks. I have the post-op appointment on January 9.

So, this is the last post of the year. Thank you for all your love and support this year on my journey through the IVF world. Next year, we begin the FET procedures. We will have two of our "chillins" transferred at the end of January. We are hopeful!

Merry Everything.
Happy New Year.
xo.
Lisa

Surgery Day

It's the morning of the surgery and I have 30 minutes until the official count down begins. I can't eat 4 hours prior to the surgery. I have to be at the doctor's at 1 p.m. for pre-operation preparation. 2 p.m. is the surgery for the removal of the polyp. It should take about an hour. I will be given Vicodin and Valium to get through it. 

I'm nervous as I have to be awake during the procedure. I hope that it is relatively painless. I hope that there are no new polyps.

Send along your positive vibes. I'll update later with the post-op.

Christmas Wish

Dear Santa...

I've been good(ish) this year. I worked on my patience. I still believe.  While you probably can't get me what I'd like for Christmas this year, if you could put in a good word with Father Time for the New Year, I would appreciate it.

Love,
Lisa

ten

I had some good news from the doctor. Ten of our embryos were frozen. I could hardly believe the news when I heard it over the phone. 10! Seriously?!? 10.

Each embryo is given a score - 1, 2, 3 - 1 being the best. They are also given a cell count and this needs to be greater than 6. We had a 1-12, 2-10, 2-9, and 7 other strong ones that were frozen. I'm thrilled. Frank is thrilled. This means that I will not have to stimulate my follicles again. A round of freezing only requires minimal amount of shots and other medications. The next round of implantation will happen in January. We have 10 for the doctor to choose from.

When I heard the news, I finally felt like there was hope again. I had been feeling so bummed out from finding the polyp, and the further delays, that I just wanted to be left alone. I didn't want anything to do with anything baby related. ANYTHING! Christmas catalogs made me cry because here was another holiday where I didn't have my own children to buy gifts for. Nor was there even the hope of children. It just simply sucked.

Now there is hope. This doesn't mean I'm going to buy my embryos tiny stockings with flakes of candy canes in them. But the possibility is there that one of these 10 will be our child. I felt a sense of rejuvenation that we were still on the right path. My body reacted the way it was supposed to react to the medication.

That being said, I'm still recovering from the retrieval. It's been 6 days and I'm still having pain in my lower abdomen. As the doctor mentioned, they had to move my uterus around to get to my ovaries. And, upon recovery, my ovaries may be resting on my colon which is a source of pain. Every day I'm getting stronger, but I'm not 100%.

But it was all worth it because we have 10 little embryos. 10! So, light a candle. Click your heels. Drink a cosmopolitan (because you can). Whatever you do, celebrate for us. You know we will this holiday season!

Thank you for your positive thoughts.
xo

Update - 24 post retrieval

24 hours past retrieval and we have 12 of our 13 eggs fertilized. This is a great start. We will hear back from the doctor's either Tuesday or Wednesday on how many will make it to be frozen.

I'm still in a bit of pain tonight. I had a call from the doctor explaining that the cramping and other side effects are normal. I went home from work early today to relax. Just walking around the office was killing me. My lower abs are in a bit of pain.

Here's to a restful night of sleep.

xo

After the retrieval

I had the retrieval on Sunday morning. The doctors were able to harvest 13 eggs. Last time there were only 5 eggs. We were pretty excited with the results. The more eggs that I have the more chances that there are for fertilization. I will be getting a call today from the doctor informing me of how many eggs were fertilized. The eggs that reach day 3 will be frozen.

After I woke up, I heard from the doctor that my left follicles were behind my uterus, so they had to move some things around to get those eggs out. Wow - did I ever feel that one. I'm still very crampy this morning, but I'm able to get some relief from Ibuprofen.

I'm going to work today. Thanks again for all the positive energy this weekend.
xo

Sunday morning retrieval

Tomorrow, I am to report to the doctor's office at 7 a.m. for a 7:30 a.m. retrieval appointment. I am glad to know that my body is on the right track here. The last visit on Friday was positive. They said that the follicles were all growing at about the same rate and it was likely they would get more eggs this time than last time. At least, this is what they hope. I took my last shots last night. I'm glad that the shots are behind me, for now.

The IVF retrieval process requires that I go under anesthesia through an IV. The entire process takes about 30 to 45 minutes. The doctors aspirate the eggs from my follicles. The eggs are then sent to the lab to be injected with one strong swimmer each. This process is called ICSI (pronounced ick-see). At some point during my recovery, they will tell us how many eggs they retrieved. The project about three days of fertilization before they freeze our strongest embryos. Hopefully, we've got at least 2.

Frank will be there with me in the recovery room until I feel good enough to stand up. Last time, this took me nearly 1.5 hours. After wards, we will probably get a bite to eat and then come home to recover. Feel free to send some good vibes, love and plenty of fertilization thoughts our way tomorrow.

I'm so thankful that you read my blog and care about our journey.
xo

The waiting game

Well, it's been quite a ride this week. I have had an estrogen blood test and ultrasound for three days in a row, and it's looking like I'll have a fourth tomorrow. I have 14-sih follicles growing, but my estrogen levels are not increasing like the doctors would expect them to with the number of follicles. Each follicle should be producing close to 200 on the estrogen scale. My test from yesterday resulted in 514. The doctors would expect it to be closer to 2000 right now. The doctors will confer today and figure out when I will take the trigger shot to ovulate today. It may be tonight or it may be tomorrow night. The retrieval will be two days later - Saturday or Sunday.

For the retrieval, they are hoping to get the most amount of eggs possible from my follicles. By delaying the trigger shot, the doctors envision retrieving more mature eggs than I had last time. The doctor this morning said that my body may just be slower to produce the estrogen, but they want to be careful that I don't ovulate on my own. If that was to happen, the entire IVF procedure would be called off. As much of an exact science that this is, there is still the unknown. My body definitely runs on it's own clock.

Because I have a polyp, they are going to just freeze the strongest embryos. The polyp will be removed sometime in December. We will go through a reduced amount of medication in December and the transfer will happen in January. This means no baby in 2011. 

I'm going through the motions as prescribed by the doctors. I'm not giving up on this process. But, I'm exhausted, frustrated, and bloated. I just feel like rolling up in a ball and crying. This is about the toughest time that I've been through so far in this entire process. I'm glad that I have a job to distract me from my emotions. I watch funny movies or TV shows so I can release some healthy laughter. I'm so glad that I have Frank to keep me focused on the end goal. He has been super supportive during this time which is helpful, since I know that he is also experiencing his own rollercoaster of emotions, too.

Keep thinking positive thoughts for us.

xo.

Unusual behavior

I had an ultrasound and Estrogen blood test on Sunday. The doctor counted 16 healthy follicles and found one potential polyp. The polyp is a benign growth on my uterus lining, that usually develops as a side effect from the medication. She wasn't 100% sure that it was it so Tuesday's doctor appointment will confirm what she saw.

If it is a polyp, I will move forward with the retrieval. The eggs will be implanted, but the strong ones will be frozen. The polyp will have to be removed in a few weeks. The transfer would happen in January. While this is less than ideal, the polyp prevents implantation. I need to be in optimal condition. I'll definitely update after the appointment.

In other unusual news, we are nearly out of the medication we need to get through this week. In fact, I've almost run out of the Follistim, having only 50 and 75 IUI left in 3 jars. I need 225 IUI per night. Luckily, Craigslist saved the day. I found a couple selling a couple of vials of Follistim for nearly $100 less per 300 IUI than what I pay for the pharmacy through UCSF. Frank & I are meeting them at the Starbucks in Westlake tomorrow night. They will be the couple carrying the cooler keeping our medication cold. "Two Follistim Frappuccino's, please."

When I talked to the woman online, she let me know that the medication comes with good karma. She is 13 weeks pregnant. It's the little things like this that I hold onto - luck, karma, and hope. Ironic, when this is all controlled by science, right? Either way, I'll take this moment as a positive one.

xo

And I'm back in the game

The wait is over. Thank goodness because I was starting to lose my mind, seen by my frequent bouts of crying. I was feeling sad because I didn't have a body clock I could count on, this month, or at all, so far, for a baby. With each passing day I felt more detached from this round of IVF, especially compounded by the possibility of having a cyst. Needless to say, all of my frustration and sadness was outwardly apparent in tears upon seeing little kids dressed up for Halloween.

Needless to say, the shots still needed to happen - whether I was happy or sad. We were about to leave for a Halloween party, so I did the injections early.

Well, I've flipped the calendar. My "." arrived on Halloween. I received the all clear, no cysts confirmation from the doctor on Tuesday. I started with the next round of medication last night - Follistim and Menopur. Both of these medications have increased in dosage and I presume the side effects will also increase. At this point, the earliest date of the retrieval will be 11/11/11.

In other good news, my friend, Karen*, who is also going through her first round of IVF, will have her retrieval this Thursday. It's been helpful to have a partner during this time who is going through such an amazing experience. Both of our doctor's have similar instruction, but some thing vary by clinic. Either way, both clinics have had positive outcomes. We are just so blessed to have each other.

Send positive vibes to SF and NY this week!
xo


*Name has been changed to reflect what she uses at Starbucks.

Waiting

It's Saturday morning and I'm waiting for my "." to arrive. It's officially 4 days late and I'm not pregnant, which is fine since I've been taking Lupron. I talked with the doctor. It's possible that the delay could be a cyst which is a side effect of the previous cycle of IVF. The cyst is expected to naturally release itself from me when I get my "." The Lupron should be helping with this release, too. If it hasn't released by Monday, I'll have to go in to the doctor's to run some tests.

Cyst - a sac of fluid with abnormal character, according to dictionary.com. It's in my body, preventing my period, and it has an odd personality. According to another site about 15% of women who have a poor IVF outcome develop cysts. I've been lucky so far that this is the only side effect that we've had.

So, I'm left to wait. This will push back my entire calendar even further, nearly having me do the retrieval and transfer closer to Thanksgiving. It is what it is, but it is frustrating. Thankfully, I have an entire weekend of activities in front of me to keep me occupied.

., please.

xo

Big girl pants

I started my shots of Lupron two nights ago. Frank coached me on how to do it alone as he is going to be gone for a day next week and I will be traveling. I did it! It was not a big deal after all because we use ice to numb the area before I get a shot.

Last night, I injected myself again. I am proud. I feel like I'm wearing my big girl pants (and panties, for that matter).

This time around already feels easier than last time because I know what to expect. I'm glad that part of the stress is gone.

Keep thinking positive and fertile thoughts.