One, Un, Uno

We received confirmation that I am off to a healthy start to the pregnancy. The ultrasound showed that the embryo implanted in the right area and is home to one. They call it a singleton. We saw the heart flickering. Dr. Cedars measured the heart rate at 118 BPM. The length is nearly 6mm. The baby is due 11/29/2012.

Here is the photo showing the tiny little one. The measurements are in the lower left corner.

This photo shows the heart beating. It was amazing to see it flickering on the live screen.

It's really real now that I've seen the heartbeat. I still don't know whether to call it a fetus or a baby, though. I guess I'll figure it out. In the meantime, I'm doing everything to make this a healthy pregnancy. And I get to dance in Carnaval, too!

Frank & I are thrilled. Our next appointment is in 2.5 weeks for another ultrasound. At that point, we begin the testing. There is a lot to read and learn about this next phase. Keep us in your thoughts, prayers, and any other good vibe time you've got to spare.

xo.

Thank you, Myrtle

Myrtle...you delivered. I'm fertile.

The results are in and they are positive. We found out on Monday, March 26th that we were successful with step 1 - implantation. I took a blood test to measure the level of hCG, which came back with 523. The doctor hopes to see that the number is above 100. According to them, we "hit it out of the ballpark." Numbers like that indicate that there could even be twins. A two-fer. That would be welcome.

On Thursday, I took the follow-up test to measure the growth of the hCG hormone. The results needed to double, and they did. 1248. This still indicates that there are either one or two embryos in there. We are on the right track. At this point, we are considered to be in the fourth week of our pregnancy. Weird calculations, but it all starts with the first day after your last period. So, week two for us was the day of implantation - 3/12.

My first ultrasound is scheduled for 4/9. At that time, they will confirm the location of the embryos, which should be in the uterus. Any other location would result in a termination - so let's hope for the former. Other, more positive things that they'll be doing is looking for the number of embryos and their measurement, confirm the number of weeks based on that measurement, provide me an updated calendar for how much longer I will need to take the hormones, and estimate the due date. There is a slight chance that they may be able to see a flickering of the heart beat. I love that word, flicker, especially as it relates to this situation. While it may be a bit early, it would be exciting.

The joy for Frank and I think week has been sharing positive news. The outpouring of love, tears, support, and curiosity has been so welcome. Honestly, I'm still in disbelief that this is real. It's been such a long journey so far, that I'm still skeptical that this is really happening. I'm not so skeptical that you'll find me at the bar, ordering cocktail shrimp and a stiff drink, though. It's just that we've never had the positive news, so I'm moving into uncharted territory with my emotions. Your joy is encouraging.

Join me in a happy dance, please.
xo

The impatient patient

It's been a rough week. The shots are more painful than last time. It's not that the shot itself that is painful, but the effects of the shot. Since the hormone, progesterone, is combined with the oil, it really needs to be massaged into my butt muscle. If there is not enough massaging and vigorous walking, lumps form where the oil has congealed. I love my lady lumps, but not my hormone lumps. So, with every step I take, I feel those lumps. The night that we massaged too hard, it put my hip out of alignment. Not only was I in pain with every step, I couldn't take a full stride. On top of that, my little toe on my right foot had a super painful callous that reached an all time pressure with every step I took.

I took matters into my hands. First, I cried to the nurse at UCSF. They must take a course in managing tears, because I felt better after just two conversations. First conversation happened to be with the receptionist, as I didn't give her a chance to qualify that she was just managing the phones. The second was with the nurse. They said that I could move off the shots and onto the creme. Just knowing this made me feel better. I had an option to not get a shot.

Secondly, the chiropractor was able to see me the next day, first thing in the morning. We began the first of five appointments to get things back in alignment.

Finally, I have a podiatrist who took care of the little toe. I am now able to wear any pair of shoes in my closet.

Now, I'm tapping my fingers waiting for Monday. I'm cramping. I'm moody. I have the nose of a bloodhound. I need a nap.

Here's to hoping for the next two days to whizz on by...

~xo

Three best friends

Tomorrow...tomorrow...I love ya, tomorrow...

I love that song from "Annie" as it gives me hope. That is where I'm at today, in the land of hope. There wasn't much downtime between these rounds. I really had a tough time getting through the last failed round, but I think that was because I knew the next one was around the corner. I felt rushed to grieve. I was also reflective of all the challenges we have faced over the last 2.5 years of trying to have a baby. I don't mean to wallow in the past, but I just needed a moment to acknowledge our perseverance.

"Just thinkin' about tomorrow, clears away the cobwebs and the sorrow..."
 
Tomorrow is Frozen Embryo Transfer Monday. My appointment is at Noon. I should be done around 12:30. Frank is going to drive me since I'll be under the influence of Valium, the loopy drug. We are having three embryos transferred along with the injection of hCG. This is a new part of the procedure for FET patients. HCG is the drug that is normally present in the uterus during natural childbirth. A study had shown a significant increase in the number of successful pregnancies using this additional hormone. I'm excited to be part of a new process here.

Keep me in your thoughts. Eat eggs.

xo
Lisa

Round 3...ding!

I am already underway for round 3. I talked to the doctor yesterday about the last cycle and the next cycle. Again, we had a biochemical pregnancy but some abnormality caused the embryo to take care of itself. Given that we've now had two confirmed biochemical pregnancies and I'm 39, the doctor wanted to change up a couple of things for this next cycle. First, she suggested that we implant three embryos. Previously, we had been hesitant on this because three means three. The chances of that happening are slim, but we were being cautious. Secondly, they have conducted tests using a shot of hCG at the time of transfer. This has been shown to assist with embryo implantation in the uterus.

We agreed to both of those suggestions, as we are open to trying something new. They also seem relatively low risk with a positive outcome. On top of those two things, our next transfer date is scheduled for 3/12. I'm already back on the estrogen patches. I have one less round of shots. I don't have to wait another month. BOOM...we're back on schedule. It's exciting that it's moving this quickly.

But I am still feeling a bit bummed about the last cycle - and other previous cycles that weren't successful. I've been doing a lot of walking and thinking...thinking and walking. I nearly walked home from work tonight, making it about 5 miles before Frank picked me up on his way home from the office. I think I'm still grieving the previous losses. I'm glad that the next round is so soon, but I still have a little bit to work through in my head.

I feel positive about going into this round. I've been seeing a therapist about the anxiety - and that's been helping. I've got an amazing support system of friends and family to help me through this time. And I'm open to yoga. Deep breaths...deep breaths.

I'd like to think that the third time's a charm. I hope you do too.

xo

Negative

As the title says, the test results were negative. I definitely felt that this time was going to work, or at least my hopes had been higher than in previous rounds. When the nurse called on Thursday to state the news, her words socked me in the gut. I almost cried, but I was at my desk at work. I had a full afternoon of work in front of me to keep me distracted. We were preparing for a big presentation to T-Mobile for today, in Seattle.

I called Frank. I could hear how bummed out he was on the phone. Tears were welling in my eyes. I wished that we were together, but I knew we would be able to talk it through after work. We had plans to go to Seattle that were going to be cancelled if we were pregnant. In the same moment I told him the news, I also suggested we keep our plans to go to Seattle. He agreed.

Last night, as soon as I got home from work, we talked about the situation. How bummed we were. How much money we've spent, all to really feel like were back to square one. We are glad we have frozen embryos to use, and we're hopeful that they are viable. We wish we knew what the issue was that is preventing us from getting pregnant. I often wonder, am I trying too hard? That's a blog post for another time.

I am ready for the next round. I hear from my doctor on Tuesday. I'll be interested to see if she has any thoughts on how it went and if anything will change. Between now and then, we'll be in Seattle. I think that getting out of the house for the weekend will be good for us.

Thank you for all your support and love. Just knowing that you're thinking about us makes me feel so good. You give me strength.

xo